When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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