I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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