He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
