So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I could make wine with my vomit
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
