That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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