Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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