I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
