I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's always time for handjobs
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
