so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
