Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
