2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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