1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
