Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
