What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
