Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's official drugs can't kill me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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