eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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