i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
