But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
