Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
