hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
