chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
