he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
