hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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