I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
