But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
