Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
