I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
