It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize