i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
