so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
