How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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