We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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