After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
