His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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