Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
