But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
