im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
