He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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