that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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