3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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