yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
