Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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