my being single is dangerous.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
