I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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