I bet he comes in French.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
