I think my vagina is haunted
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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