one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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