I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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