a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
