i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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