I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
