Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
