ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
