It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
