In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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