Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
