Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
