chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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