I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
