Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
