i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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