im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
