We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
